California Autos Examiner

Thursday, July 24, 2008

ACATT's 2007-2008 Cholesterol Report

Update: It has been pointed out to me that my high AT levels may indicate a fatty liver and therefore I would make an excellent pâté. I was going to seek asylum in Chicago, but I understand that they have repealed their ban on foie gras.

As you’ve gathered by the headline, I’m here to speak about my cholesterol and how it has changed when compared to last year's test. I'm posting this on ACATT because as my health goes, so goes this blog. Let’s get down to the numbers, shall we?

On the lipid panel, Cholesterol rings in at 280 an increase of 6.8% over last year’s 262. Triglycerides increased 17.4 percent increasing from 466 to 547. HDL decreased from 36 to 34 for a change of 5.5 percent. I also had a high level of Alanine Aminitransferase (AT) which rang in at 83 (normal is below 36). According to the Interwebs, a high AT level could indicate a damaged liver. Jesus! Sadly each one of those numbers has moved in the wrong direction. Most of this negative change can be attributed to my eating and exercising habits, but I do not want exclude the economy—certainly it must have something to do with this (although I’m not quite sure what).

Now that I have numbers out of the way, let us talk about my response. My initial inclination is that I need to downsize, so I looked at European people with the same name as myself. Sadly, the only guy I found didn’t seem to be any smaller and was unwilling to come to the U.S. and take my cholesterol test for me. Therefore European importation is out of the question. If I can’t import a healthier self, then I have no option but to retool what I already have here in the States. I’m negotiating with my union and hope to reach an agreement soon. In 2008-2009 there will be less pizza and Indian food and more vegetables and fish.

I hope to post better numbers next year, but then again I said the same thing last year. I'm hoping that by posting these numbers I will spur myself into actually improving my health.

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